Tatoos And Such

Tatoos And Such
If I were ever to get a tatoo I might just get one of a bagel. Probably on my wrist. I would get a bagel because of this: You know how when people get tatoos and a few years later they aren't interested in what they got the tatoo of? The subject of the tattoo isn't that important to them anymore and they don't like it and they are emabarrassed to show it to anyone. Hey how do you like your tattoo? I don't like it anymore and I'm emabarrassed.
Oh. Well, if I decided that I just wasn't as in to bagels as much as I used to be when I showed my tattoo to people I could just tell them that it's of a donut. Because I think I'll always like donuts. Raised donuts not cake donuts. (I'd explain this when I showed the tattoo.)I think that if I were ever in a swamp or in a jungle and there was a big crocodile chasing me that I could probably get away. I would throw raised donuts at it and run with high leg kicks to the nearest tree and stand real still. Then I'd throw more donuts to try and get the crocodile to walk away from me.
If that didn't work I'd climb the tree and swing on a vine away from where I was and when I was swingin' I'd yell back at the crocodile something like "You Suck.". That might piss him off, but hey fuck him I gave him my donuts, right? So then I'd find some monkey to hang out with 'cause monkeys are pretty cool. I'd ask him to make fart sounds with his mouth and pull his bottom lip down over his chin like on T.V. and in the movies.
That's funny stuff.
I was at the zoo one day and I went in the Monkey House and I swear to God every guy monkey in that place was playing with himself. All the monkeys wer playin' spank the frank. At the time I was young and thought it was pretty funny, but now I think I understand. Monkey chicks are pretty damn ugly. So maybe I can identify with the monkeys. Well--maybe not. Forget it. Nevermind everything I said about the crocodile and the monkeys. (Except the part about monkeys making farting noises and pulling their bottom lips over the chins. That's great stuff man.)