A little less sensitive... a LOT more questions

A little less sensitive, a lot more questions
Current mood: aggravated
now let's see how many people circulate this one... Dammit Brigid... These suck!
1. Confirm your identity: Fuck You, you can't have it!
2. How many years have you been on the planet?: 26 years and some change
3. What are three phrases you use at least daily?: 1. Go Eat A Bowl Of Dicks, 2. I can prove this on an etch-a-sketch and I will show my work, and 3. Yeah, because I rock hard!
4. Are you a survey addict?: I have this horrid, fucked up compulsion to fill out about a third of these fucking things... I don't know why.
5. Do you have an online journal that you use regularly?: Yes. It is a pseudo-blog. I use it less regularly than my bowel movements and half as many people are interested in it.
6. Are you one of those people that are constantly applying lotion and/or chapstick?: Yes. It puts the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again!
7. Name any mental disorders you have been diagnosed with: Unprofessionally I have been called fucking insane, looney as fuck, etc... Never seen a "professional", but in High School I wanted to bone my Psychology teacher... is that bad?
8. Ever freeze anyone's underwear?: Yes. I have nothing better to do with my time that steal someone's undergarments and somehow find a way to freeze it.
9. Name one thing you only do/act like/wear/etc.?: I don't even know if this is a question. so I will put my answer plainly, you can remove the sesame seed that is in my ass with your tongue.
10. Would you consider yourself random?: No.
11. Do you have clothes hanging in your closet that still have the tags on them?: All of my hats still have the stickers on them so that all the people can see what size my fat fucking head is.
12. Do you doodle all over your papers/homework/books?: No, but I will doodle this "baby-batter" all over your fucking face if you keep asking me stupid ass questions.
13. Do you write down phone messages/notes on your hands?: Yes, because paper is way too precious a commodity.
14. What do you think of those Kidz Bop commercials?: I think that there is no greater accomplishment than the re-recording of popular tunes with a group of children singing the vocals. this HAS TO BE the same company that made the "Wee Sing" series of which my personal favorite is "Wee Sing Bible Songs"
15. What CDs in your collection are you ashamed to admit you own?: None. I like my own music, if you don't like it, than you can remove the sesame seed from the other motherfucker's mouth and swallow it.
16. Got any toe socks?: Only if my black ninja ones count.
17. Do you find that you rub off on your friends more, or vice versa?: I rub off on my VERY good friends.... Heh Heh Heh!
18. What time is it?: Look at the fucking clock asshole
19. Does anybody really know what time it is?: Flavor Flav does, that is why he wears the clock!
20. Does anybody really care?: Yes. In the Autobiography of Malcolm X he says "I don't trust anyone who doesn't wear a watch" ...so apparently he cared.
21. Who sings that song, anyway?: Probably some cracker asshole who cannot get laid in a women's prison with a fistfull of weekend passes. Whiny Gringos are the only people that get record contracts lately.
22. Do you untie your shoelaces before taking your shoes off?: Anyone who sincerely gives the slightest shit can feel free to do my laundry and pay me $5 an hour for it.
23. Ever have random hallucinations?: Yes, but only because of the inhuman quantities of mushrooms that I take constantly... ESPECIALLY before driving or going to Elich's.
24. Ever take your pet for a walk?: Yes. I don't ever want to have another fucking creature that needs any of my fucking attention. I don't give a shit how "Cool" your dog is. It in all reality is simply a feces creation machine.
25. Have you ever loved someone so much it made you cry?: No, Fuck you.
26. How much do you sleep?: Not enough for most normal humans.
27. Do you think staying at home and raising the kids is primarily "women's work"? Hell Yes, Just like doing my dishes and working at Hooters.... Pass me the COOR'S Light! What kind of redneck fuck asks this shit?
28. What do you think about gay marriage?: I think that is when two people of the same sex want to get married.
29. Do blondes annoy you in general?: Yes. As do Brunettes, Redheads, them blue-haired mu-fuckaz, you all annoy the piss out of me constantly.
30. Do you smoke?: Yes, I smoke your ass, fuckstain!
31. Have sex?: Any chance I get (almost)
32. Yell at your parents?: Yeah, because that is what parents are for.
33. Compete with your siblings?: If by compete you mean have sex with then obviously the answer is yes!
34. Think you got enough love as a child?: Hell yeah... In the woodshed with my uncle...
35. Listen to pop music?: I fucking love it. But I love it even more when it is re-recorded with Kids singing the shit!
36. Out of your own, what's your favorite lotion/body wash/cream/perfume/cologne/etc.?: Currently: Feces
37. Why do fools fall in love?: Because Broken Hearts are for Assholes
38. Why is the sky blue? Because your eyes percieve it as a certain color and our culture has named that color blue.
39. Did you know that your metabolism slows down at night; so if you have a midnight snack you will probably gain weight in the morning?: Did you know that I don't give the slightest fuck?
40. Are you going to have an open casket funeral?: I hope the cryogenically freeze my head so that I can live forever!
41. Do you bruise easily?: Only my sensitive, fragile ego.
42. Does death fascinate you?: Yes.
43. Ever dated someone five years older (or more) than you?: I am not sure... I think so.
44. Ever dated someone five years younger (or more) than you?: Depends on your definition of dated.
45. What's with all the black rappers right now having such terrible teeth?: What is with all the cracker assholes asking fucking questions?
46. What was the whole "rosebud" thing all about?: The Pussy
47. How many people do you think would come to your funeral?: I hope nobody. I would rather they have a keg in the wellhouse.
48. Are you wondering why I'm still on the death thing?: Nope, I am wondering why I give a shit.
49. Who said this: "Death, taxes, and childbirth. There's never a convenient time for any of them.": Mabye it was that sick fuck Hockey Coach
50. Have you ever contributed to someone's death?: I can only hope in some small way I have helped rid the earth of thousands of cockroaches with suits.
52. What Hollywood celebrity annoys you the most?: Every single fucking one.
53. What do you think about school?: I think it is a place where they attempt to indoctrinatre you with a slave education
54. Are you addicted to the internet?: Only the site where your mom takes it in the mouth after it has been in her ass... that is golden!
55. Do you have those little white vitamin deficiency marks on your fingernails?: What the fuck are you talking about?
56. Dog person or cat person?: Neither. Fecal conversion machines. ALL OF THEM
57. What do you take when you have a headache?: My dick out and play with it.
58. What's your alcoholic drink of choice?: Beer. It is just so fucking delicious.
59. Is "settling down" a major priority for you (meaning; married, good job, spending your extra money on new curtains and mowing the lawn on weekends)?: Not one bit, but the pressure train is a motherfucker.
60. Do you have a calendar/datebook?: Yeah, I am such a fucking player I need a datebook... That is why I am filling out this thing.
61. Was "Beaches" as good a movie as everyone says it is?: It was cinematic brilliance. Bette Midler is the greatest actress of all time.
62. Physically, are you usually cold or warm?: I'm Hot, Sticky sweet! From my head to my feet, YEAH!
63. Socially, are you usually cold or warm?: Um. I get a boner when I am nervous.
64. Ever been so depressed that you don't shower, do the dishes, clean up anything, answer your phone or move from your couch for more than a couple days?: Yes. That is how I am filling this out.
65. When you hear the scientific term "the big bang", do dirty thoughts come to mind?: Nope, I think that MC Stephen Hawking is gonna have to bust a cap in some goddamn creationists.
66. Do you ever walk by someone and they go, "how are you?" and you go, "how are you?"....and you keep on walkin'?: No, but sometimes I tell them that I fucked their mom, smile and walk on by.
67. Wouldn't you rather we all just avoid eye contact and not say anything at all?: Yes, because then we could be lonely gringo fucks that will never get laid. INSTAN RECORDING CONTRACT!
68. Ever do volunteer work?: Yes, I run the vacuum that sucks the trucker jizz from your mom's pussy every evening at 8.
69. Do you think community service should really be given as a punishment for criminals?: No, I think flowers should be.
70. Do you shoplift?: Only to get the new Marilym Manson CD.
71. Ever worked so hard that you cried?: Yes, see answer 68.
72. What if God was one of us?: He would suck one hell of a dick.
73. Who sings that song?: I dunno, but Prince played it live when I saw him. That fucking destroyed the universe.
74. Are you old enough to remember the commercial with little old lady saying "where's the beef”? Vaguely
75. Finish this sentence: "My kingdom for a/an ________.": End to these fucking questions.
76. Do you remember the Care Bear craze?: Vaguely
77. How about when Oprah was fat?: Who are you calling fat you racist fuck?
78. Remember Pogs?: Remember when I shit on your pillow?
79. Remember when that gymnast sprained her ankle in the summer Olympics, 1996?: Yes, because nothing makes me feel more patriotic than watching steroid fueled fuckfaces represent their country.
80. Remember what you were doing yesterday at this time?: Yes, Watching a documentary about junkies.
81. Do you love shoes?: Yes. but only in the sexually deviant manner
82. What shampoo do you use?: THe stuff that makes my hair smell like mangoes but taste like chicken.
83. How do you feel right now?: Like I want to kick the cracker asshole that wrote this and inform him or her that the best part of them ran down their mom's ass.
84. Do you let dogs lick your face?: No, only deez nuts
85. Do you subscribe to Playgirl or Playboy?: I have a subscription to Guns and Ammo and Nintendo Power, combined they are way more shaft raising than Playboy
86. What are you doing right now besides filling out this survey?: Wishing that I wasn't.
87. What year were you born?: 1979... The year of some pimp ass shit.
88. Do you rule that year?: Hell No, Sugarhillgang rule that year!
89. Do you paint your nails?: Yes. Because I am a sensitive gringo fuck who plays in a shitty goth band.
90. What's your hair length?: Well I can tell you that I have a LOT of pubes.
91. When did you get a cut/trim last?: a long time ago.
92. Do you have hoity-toity relatives, or trailer trash relatives?: Fuck this question.
93. Would you consider yourself to have an innovative mind?: Yes, noone else will come up with answers half as amusing or incredible as mine.
94. Has an old man/woman ever flirted with you?: Yeah.. It was your mom.
95. Ever written a survey like this?: Yes, because I have that kind of time on my hands.
96. Would you ever consider dating someone who'd been in prison?: Hell Yeah. They are still fucking humans even though we have caged them like dogs.
97. Are you worth crying over?: Fuck YES. I rock your fucking socks off.. and leave them on the floor so that I can wipe the cum on them after I empty my balls.
98. Do you know anyone who's drowned?: No, but I know some who have tried.
99. Would you rather have a one-on-one conversation or go to a party?: Depends on who it is with.
100. Do you feel better after purging all this random information from your system?: No, I feel the thousand percent less intelligent. Thank you. For wasting a chunk of my life that would have been better spent masturbating.